I think you’re lost, amigx. 404 redirect up in this shizzle.

I searched this website’s voluminous secret canyons, walked its many hidden trails, but simply could not find the exact page you were looking for. And this is tragic to me. I believe that everyone should be able to find what they’re looking for in this life.

There could be a few things going on:

  • Is it possible that there is an error in the URL entered into your web browser? It can never hurt to check the URL and try again. Life is full of wonderful surprise when we try.

  • The page you are looking for has been moved or deleted. Compared to the existential dread of daily life, this isn’t that big of a deal. Sometimes shit doesn’t work out the way you want. You need to get over it and move on.

If you’re feeling a little anxious at this point, know that’s okay. You’re still safe. And you can always return to the homepage by clicking here, or you can try searching for the content you are seeking by clicking here. Or… if you’re brave enough… you could click the button below and see where it takes you.

You’re now thinking to yourself nervously:

“Yeah, right.

I’m not gonna hit that button. It’s too risky. Where could it lead? Somewhere crazy, I bet. It’s probably some website that puts me on an FBI watchlist.”

You’re sweating more than usual and suddenly notice that your tongue is pressed firmly against the roof of your mouth. Your jaw is clenched tight and your shoulders are pulled up toward your ears. Your anxiety heightens as you become aware of your senses.

You can hear your breath now. It’s picking up pace and feels hot and disgusting.

You can actually feel the blood in your veins pulsing through your body. Your skin feels tight and your mind feels tighter. Claustrophobia begins to take hold. Slow, steady, crushing grip. You feel your body struggle even though nothing external is happening.

Are you safe? Is your body slipping into some altered state? Is it all working like it should? Is your body okay? Does anyone even know where you are?

You can’t look away from this page. If you’d been walking in a crosswalk reading this on your phone, you’d already be dead. No way to stop it. You’re in this now. It’s too late to turn back. You’ve already read this far.

You think to yourself again:

“What the hell? This guy is creepy. He’s probably tracking my location with some kind of geolocating thing on this website. He’s going to send me to some other creepy website where the 4Chan gang is going to stalk my grandma and dox me.”

You suddenly realize that your grandmother would have absolutely no clue what doxxing is. You also realize that you never read the Terms & Services of any website or app you ever use and quickly push away the overwhelming thought that private companies and national governments know more about you than you could ever know. You feel your mind drifting away from the task at hand, which was originally to find a page on this stupid website. And now you’re wondering why you’re still reading this 404 redirect page and feeling a little silly for still being here.

But there is a reason you’re still reading, isn’t there? Maybe you feel like fate pulled you toward this moment. Perhaps you’ve been a little tired of the same-old-same-old that’s got you feeling so stale lately and reading this page felt like something new.

You start to contemplate your situation.

Why is your life going the way it is? Are you doing what you want? Are you happy? Do you feel fulfilled at all?

You think to yourself:

“I guess he has a point. I have been feeling a little bit numb in the haze and flow recently. There’s just a lot of expectation I place on myself and it freezes me up. I want to change, but it’s really uncomfortable to undo habits of mind.”

The silence creeps in. A poignant, tragic thought contrasts the internal darkness.

“And the worst part about it all is that I’m worried I’ll die before I accomplish what I wanted to. I won’t even become what I imagined as a kid.”

A cricket starts to sing and chirp nearby, reinforcing the lack of human interaction going on. It’s just you and a screen, pal. And to think, you could have at least been watching The Office on Netflix because there’s some semblance of connection, of security.

You’re terrified to die. That’s why you never think about it. It’s the one, fundamental fear you won’t face.

“Damn. This guy’s fucked me up now. I just wanted to find that webpage, but now I’m realizing things are a little out of control for me. I don’t even get out anymore, much less do anything truly daring. What am I doing?”

Tears form and your throat wells up a bit. The disappointment of not only your own placated existence settles in, but also that of the entire world. You realize this is not just a you problem, but a people problem. And you feel a little angry that an entire species would have gone through millennia of similar self reflection only to find itself at the same kind of inflection point year after year, generation after generation.

You cry out into the darkness. But not even an echo returns. You’re alone. Just like you were born and just like you’ll die. Utterly and terribly alone.

Welp, guess you’ll never find out anything if you don’t hit that surprise button. Good luck in life! Sorry you had to realize you’re not adventurous enough to take a chance!